Family and the Church

Ephesians 5:22-33

Repeat after me! “Everything is by the grace of God. It is because of your goodness. Receive God’s grace.” May the grace of God be with you through the message today.

Today’s passage is a confusing one. It talks about husband and wife, that is, family. It explains the relationship between husband and wife with the relationship between Christ and the church. It emphasizes the relationship between husband and wife, in order to explain the relationship between Christ and the church. Verse 32 says, “This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.” And it immediately continues in verse 33, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

So which is it talking about: the family or the church? This passage actually speaks of both. It talks about the church through family, and the family through church. It is important to explain the family through the relationship between Christ and the church, and vice versa.

This is like the once famous catchphrase, “Church like family and family like church.” “The church is family expanded, and the family is church shrunken.” Therefore, we must not look at the church or family as a source of conflict. Yes, for a wife who has a non-believing husband, church may feel like heaven and the home may feel like hell. The church can be a great escape. But it should not be like this with a normal Christian family.

Both the family and the church exists for the glory of God and exist for the expansion of God’s Kingdom and spreading of the Gospel.

I. Let us look at how the passage describes the church.

God has designed the church to be glorious, according to verses 26-27.

The church is glorious and radiant before God. Why? Why is the church glorious?
1) That is the fundamental characteristic of the church. The Lord purchased it with his blood and cleansed it. So we became Christ’s body and the bride.
2) That is the mission of the church. The church is “the fullness of him who fills everything in every way” (Eph. 1:23). It is glorious work to expand God’s kingdom through evangelism, missions, and service.
3) That is the hope of the church. The future church, the holy temple in the new Jerusalem is a glorious one. Then, the kingdom of God and the church are one and the same.

In order to fulfill this, the church does not need to do something extravagant. It simply needs to be like a family. The church needs to be a sweet home, a welcoming home, and a warm place with wonderful mom’s cooking. It needs to be full of love, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and encouragement.

But here is the problem. The problem is that the church is not like a family. So people leave the church and stay away from it.

The church needs to be like family, caring for its weakest members. The focus and attention of the parents are not upon the smartest kid, but the sickest kid, because they need to care for him. The church needs to be the same.

Members of the church need to know each other’s needs, and pray for them. It needs to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. In this perspective, larger mega churches have much problems. There was an accident in Seoul, and the two drivers went at each other. They realized later on that they were elders from the same church.

Don’t ever believe that the True Light Community Church can do something big for God when it grows big. That is the deception of Satan. It is easier to build more biblical and family like church when it is small. And it is a nonsense to expect the church to grow when it cannot be a family like church when it is small.

2. Then, how should the family be like?

The family needs to be like the church. The family has been deteriorating in today’s society. It is no longer a safe place of morals and ethics. It is a place where dirty and sinful things flows in through smartphones, internets, and cable tv’s. Filthy culture is flowing and contaminating the families today.

Another problem of the family? It is filled with selfish desires and it is not living up to what God has designed it to be.

The early churches began in the family. When Paul wrote to Philemon, he says (1:2) “to the church that meets in your home.” The family and home acted as the church.

There is one thing that modern day Christian misunderstands. It is separating the church and the family.

You only do the Lord’s work at the church and the family is a place of my own self pleasure. So it is not proper to talk about the church at home. This is wrong thinking. The family and the church are complementary.

The church I know of in Daegu has over 300 members. 50 of them are college professors. But many of them only attend Sunday Worship Service. The early dawn services were long gone. Hardly anyone attend Wednesday service. No one does any volunteer work. Many of the members were believers from birth. And they are good at attending Sunday worship. Because they were afraid of hell, they diligently do their duty by attending Sunday worship, and they think they’ve done enough.

But they are so faithful to their families. They love them. This is the selfish attitude of the world. They only live for themselves and their family, and reject the church altogether.

Such church is not a healthy one and is spiritually sick. They will never be able to do what pleases the Lord.

3. Things the family and the church need to work together on.

Look at the Garden of Eden. Adam’s family was the church and the church was the family. Family is the channel through which we understand the Gospel of our Lord. Those who do not have good relationships with their dad have hard time accepting God as their heavenly Father.

The church needs to take care of the family well and the family needs to do its job as a small version of the church, living the holy and separated life from this world.

The family need not be closed off. It needs to be opened to the world. It needs to be a place where people can come, talk, share the Gospel, and practice hospitality.

Dear friends, in the family, you are the pastor. Do not just think about your family, but use your family as an instrument to carry out the message of the Gospel. How are your cars, your houses, and other things God has given you being used for God’s Kingdom?

Let us not compare our family with others. But let us show our true selves, as we all have been redeemed by God. Let us not wear masks at church and speak the words you did not mean it.

What is sin? It is not simply stealing, lying, or hurting others. We need to understand that everything God is displeased with or is disappointed by are sins. If we are not aware of those sins and live the life far away from the Lord, that is sin. If we are not loving others as Jesus loved us, and we are just enjoying our lives as it is, that is sin.

May we all be able to confess before the Lord and ask for his forgiveness.

Finally, let us think about the things the family and the church must become.

1) God-made organization
Both the church and the family has been made by God. The Bible, especially, is concerned about the family.
Jesus came into the world through a family or Joseph and Mary. He spends 30 years in the family. After healing the sick, he tells that person who had been healed to return to his family.
Many religions think of marriage as stumbling block. But in order for you to be the high priest, you must have been married. Even Peter spread the Gospel with his wife.
Those sins that destroy families, such as fornication and children’s rebellion, were chosen to die. The marriage is a lifelong commitment, and divorce was not permitted.
There are countless numbers of examples of the family being important (Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, Joshua, etc.)
Even the Ten Commandment, the command that links the former with the latter is the fifth command, having to do with family. If the family fails, then the society and the country fails too.

2) School that passes down the truth
Both the family and the church needs to be the school that passes the truth down to the next generation.
Family is like relay that passes the truth onto the next person.
Family is a place where it shows what the salvation of Jesus Christ is like.
If you do not learn the right things well, you learn the wrong things easily.
At family and at church, we need to teach our children all the good and valuable habits.
Martin Luther once said that out of family, church, and school, the family is the place that reflects the goal of education the best.

3) Foundation of relationships
A good leader likes people and knows how to keep good relationship with others.
In order to have a good relationship with others, one must practice “faithfulness, trustworthiness, courage, loyalty, honesty, patience, love, acceptance, gentleness, and sacrifice.”
You need to have all these qualities to be a good leader.
And the church and the family is where these qualities can be taught and practiced.

There is a common requirement for the qualification of overseers, elders, and deacons. That is, they must be good stewards of their family.
• Overseer (1 Timothy 3:2-7) “Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife… He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)
• Elders (Titus 1:5,6) “An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.”
• Deacons (1 Timothy 3:8-13) Look at verse 12 “A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well.”
There aren’t that much differences between the qualifications.

How do we apply the phrase “the husband of but one wife”? Through loving one another, parents are teaching their children how to be trustworthy person and how to have relationship with others.
What is the greatest gift the parents can give to their children? It is showing the children how to live happily by loving each other.

4) Vessel of blessings
Children are God’s blessings. Old Testament states that those who has been “emasculated” or those born of “forbidden marriage” cannot enter the assembly of the LORD (Deuteronomy 23:1-2). What does this mean spiritually?

Those born of forbidden marriage are the ones who do not know their fathers. They do not have proper teacher for their lives. There is no one to rebuke or correct their actions. If no one tells the things that are wrong in your life, that is a big curse.

What does being emasculated means? It is someone who cannot have children. We all need someone to pass down the truth unto.

Who is your teacher in church and the family? And who is your spiritual children?

5) Model of Heaven
Family and the church must become a model of heaven. Family is a gift of God for our happiness. If your child asks you “what is heaven like?” how would you answer? You should be able to say “Heaven is like our family.” Then the children should answer “ah, I see. So it must be a happy place. I can’t wait to go to heaven.” But how devastating would it be if their reaction is like “well then, I don’t want to go.”

6) Place to practice love and forgiveness
People have three different self-esteems. They are spiritual, mental, and physical self-esteems. Spiritual self-esteem gets filled by the Word of God. Physical self-esteem gets filled by food. But the mental self-esteem gets filled through love that comes from relationship with others.

People are thirsty for love. So if they do not experience real love, they are willing to pay for fake love. Men, if they do not receive love from their wives, will go buy their love from prostitutes, even though they know that it’s not real love.

Love is important. It is important in the church as well. If the church does not have love, people leave the church. They fall into various cults.

They did an experiment with a monkey. To a baby monkey that lost its mother, they build two monkeys out of metal. On one, they allowed milk to come out. On the other, they covered it up with hair. They found that the baby monkey, when hungry, would go to the metal one with milk flowing out. But for its play and comfort, it went to the one covered with hair.

The most important thing people need are not Vitamins A,B,C,D, but it is love that accepts and understands them warmly. Galatians 5:13 “Serve one another in love.”
Ephesians 5:25 “Husband, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

The love must lead to forgiveness. Often, we hurt each other the most in our families. Same thing at our churches. But remember, that the church is where all the sinners are gathered. Everyone’s spiritual maturity is different. Their spiritual growth is different. So unless we understand others and forgive them for the wrongs they might have committed, it is hard to exist as a community.

There are four seasons of love – season of joy, season of disappointment, season of despair, and season of maturity. Unless one forgives the other, it is hard to maintain marriage relationship.

Forgiveness is the highest expression of love. It is not easy. One cannot do it on their own. It is only possible through the grace and the power of God.
Forgiveness is the foundation of maintaining human relationships.

7) Place to recharge the power
The family and the church exist because of grace.
There are lots of competitions in the world. The family needs to be a place where the husband, wife, and children, who battled through many competitions at the work place, can come and feel welcomed. So words of encouragement and listening are important.
There is no greater medicine than giving a word of encouragement.
This world rewards people based on their merits. If they do well, they get rewarded, but if they do not do well, they will get rejected.
But the family and the church must not be like that.
Even if they make mistake, the family and the church must be a place where they can receive healing and encouragement.

Why is the church good? There can be conflicts within the church. But through those conflicts we learn our own shortcomings. God sometimes uses someone who has 99% of things wrong to teach my 1% of shortcoming.

The family is the same thing. It may be easier to live by oneself. But if one does, they will never grow in their mental self-esteem. It happens in a relationship.

May God’s grace and blessings be upon the True Light Community Church, so that it may be a church as warm as family, and may our families be as holy as the church of God.